Waitress – Solicitous Saint or Salacious Seductress?

A sincere and singularly salubrious thought sears my synapses.  What it the real role of the waitress? Reasonably, this is also applicable to the waiter. Though society is less likely to consider the sexualization of said stint.

If there were not a degree of seduction involved in the serving process, would it not be more economical and efficient for one automaton to receive dictations of orders and then deliver the desired delicacies?  Yet, the need to be attended to has generated this intermediary position.  Perhaps it is a first-world desire to not have to interact with the menial minions charged with manufacture and preparation prior to our majestic mastication. Giving charge to the server to deliver the required food demands must also impart a sense of import on the earl of the fiefdom of table five. Were it not for a degree of attention satisfaction and the earnestness and beguiling of our servers, would we not simply forge our own fare at our home fortress?

The attention is subconsciously sought from a server.  I neglect to highlight the aspect of a lack of cleanup to the discussion as this element does not dictate attendance of a real meal.  This aspect may affect ordering for delivery, or pickup at a local sub shop, but it does not determine that extra step which involves intermittent interaction with another individual.

Ergo, we must candidly evaluate the precise role this attendant serves.  If the end result is that of simple satisfaction this mindful misanthrope mandates timely attentiveness and a minimum of mouthy mindlessness.  I find myself of the minority regarding these needs though and observe an obsessively, oracularly obstinate occupation pining after puerile and pointless promotion.  People need to feel that they are being catered to.  Enter the waitress/waiter.  It is a small wonder that most waitresses tend to be young, attractive women. The most base element of what appeals to us occurs on a sexual level.  Whether we appreciably acknowledge this fact or not does not detract from its verity.

The waitress lures in her guest with friendly speech and a lustrous smile.  She makes immediately enforceable promises to be the one to “Take care of you this evening.” By this affirmation one can be immediately assured of her devoted attendance to your needs.  As salaciously as a seductress amidst a strip-tease, she secures submission and subjugation by the sirens song of servitude.  Quips and flirtations lend themselves to locking in your dollars, or cents if you are a diner patron.  Checking in with you frequently ensures the maximum liberation of legal tender, and liberal libation liquifies any remaining limited will-power. The result being receipt of the maximum tip.

The food took 45 minutes to arrive? Surely our waitress was paying attention to another patron more that I.  Table 3 has a prettier waitress than we received. Well, I’d tip more but the other one is more attractive.  She only checked on me once after our food arrived. That’s a mark against her.  She didn’t offer desert? More demerits.

We want seduction. We want to be allured. We wish to be fawned over. We expect our waitress to be the one to satisfy these needs.

However, feel free to draw your own conclusions.

Humbly yours,


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