Modern methods of communication are supposed to bring people closer together. With the ease of access to social media, computers, smart phones, and a myriad of tech inspired ways to communicate, one might believe that we are connected, and in touch with one another, in unprecedented ways.

Do you ever feel that this couldn’t be further from the true?

Once, people received mail and were actually excited. With extremely limited options to communicate, a letter from a loved one that may have taken weeks, or longer, contained important communication and news. These words were so precious that only one or two members in a family may have had the skill to read them.

In time, communication methods improved, as did the transportation mediums through which they travelled. Letters travelled by rail instead of horse, and arrived much more quickly. Telegrams became an option to send kwords even more rapidly.

Eventually, the incredible invention of the telephone allow people to communicate in an even closer, more personal way. The telephone allowed people to hear another’s voice, to gauge the tone of their dialogue, and to sense emotion from loved ones and friends. People spoke for hours on the phone, catching up instantly through their conversations about all aspects of their lives. Receiving a telephone call was at one point, actually considered a pleasure, and an honor, instead of an annoyance.

And then communication became even more accessible. Portability occurred with cell phones and eventually smart phones. Having a portable phone in case of emergency gave way to having one as a convenience. And ultimately, smart phones afforded ultimate connectivity, and promised the opportunity for people to be closer than ever.

Has it really done so?

Have you skipped family functions knowing that you’ve just seen relatives via posts on Facebook? Do you really take the phone call, knowing that you could just send a short text and pursue something else?  Ugh, do they really want to FaceTime or Skype? Isn’t hitting like a lot easier than taking the time to communicate how much you appreciate someone’s thoughts or photo? Maybe it’s simpler to say that you thought you responded to a text, instead of addressing a challenging question? Isn’t it easier to email someone directives, rather than talk with them face to face about a task requiring attention?

While these might be simpler, are they actually better? Do multitudes of communication options truly bring people closer?

Consider the last text conversation you had with sometime. When is the last time you actually saw that person? When did you last hear that persons voice?

Words, are an incredible tool by which human beings are able to differentiate ourselves from animals. They are an articulate communication device, used to confer all manner of high-level feelings and ideas. Words enable us to come together, and to connect. But without the person behind them, many words may lose their feeling, emotion, and meaning.

If it has been a long time since you’ve seen that person you’ve been swapping words with, what does their voice sound like? If it’s been a while since you’ve seen them, do you still remember which eyebrow they raise when they say “Oh, yeah?” Do you recall how they laugh when you say something funny?

Connectivity and closeness are conceptually wonderful. But people need to see each other, and to hear each other. We need organic proximity, or at least to hear someone’s voice.  Given these needs, you would think that people would love to Skype or use FaceTime, yet these are, shockingly, used very minimally.

When you don’t have these things communication feels distant, detached, and possibly, even impersonal.

If you don’t see or hear a person, texting, messaging, or emailing someone can feel like trying to shake the hand of a ghost. The instant response from a text can make it feel like you are conversing, or interacting to a person, but there is a tangibility that is missing. Text, email, or messaging simulates interaction with someone, but doesn’t manage to satisfy all communication needs. You may want to clasp a person on the shoulder, give them a friendly embrace, or shake their hand vigorously, but you can’t do that through a text or an email. If you haven’t seen or heard someone in a while, texting can be like reaching for the hand of a phantasm. You can tell something tangible was there at a point, you can almost feel a spectral energy as your hand comes close, but that energy is likely just pulses of memory, firing through your brain. You can’t grip it, touch it, or clasp it. You can’t feel warmth, or cold. You can’t tell if it’s soft, or rough. You can’t trace the lines, or feel the callouses.

You almost connect. You’re nearly there, but not quite. You can feel the person there, but you simply pass right through.

So, meet up with your uncle, and go fishing. Have breakfast with your dad. Go to the concert with your brother. Sit down and chat with your mother. Pay attention to your sister. Go see your grandparents. Take the time to enjoy your family gatherings. Say yes to your friends when they want to hike with you. Go out and have a drink with someone you haven’t seen in a long time.  And every once in a while, pick up the phone and call, The person on the other end may truly prefer hearing your voice, instead of receiving a text message.

Humbly yours,
J