Didn’t we once expect more of our fellow-man?

Didn’t we once compulsively, and instinctively refer to a gentleman or lady as sir or ma’am or madam?

Didn’t we once regard our elders in a respectful way?

Wasn’t the norm, but a few years ago, to ask politely for, anything?

Wasn’t it not long ago that we weren’t optically tethered to our phones, and were decidedly sure of our surroundings?

Didn’t we once speak to, and regard others respectfully? Was it so long ago that please, thank you, and excuse me, were commonplace in our discourse?

Did we forget, that we human beings, desire to be treated as the amazing creatures that we are?

Have we forgotten kindness?

Everywhere we go, we have to use this value as currency, and expect change from it.

We go to the grocery store, and encounter someone taking up and blocking the aisle with their cart and several children.  Social decency would suggest that the people in the way apologize and shift their litter and position. But a lack of kindness exists in our social sphere.  The simple act of being aware of other people doesn’t seem to exist

We go anywhere other people are involved, and an obvious lack of kindness can be perceived.

You are third, of five, deep in a line at a checkout. The business opens up another lane for you to check out, and the two people behind you rush to the register.

You wait your turn, quietly, and patiently, to have a concern addressed or to ask a question, only to have a bullish person cut in front.  They  loudly state “I really have no time to wait!” and present their issue with self-important fortitude, as you considerately wait your turn.

You witness a loud, brash individual unloading both his displeasure at a price discrepancy, and his internal angst, upon a demure customer service woman.  She calmly addresses his concern, expertly deflects his ridiculous, extremely personal assault, and thanks him for his business.

You witness an elderly couple trying to cross a road in a parking lot, barely inching forward as one, two, three, four, cars refuse to stop to let them cross the thirty feet to the store.

The troubling part is that these disturbing observations wouldn’t have to be witnessed.  The offending parties simply had to practice the act of kindness.  The problem is, though, that kindness is no longer freely given.  It’s no longer expected.  It isn’t the norm.  Kindness has become a commodity, a currency if you will, and we must will ourselves to use this, like we must draw money from our wallets to purchase goods for ourselves.

Once, it was standard, or at least reasonably expected, when entering a building, to hold the door for people behind you.  It wasn’t something one would have to think about, it was done organically, naturally, and thoughtlessly.  Now it must be done with deliberate effort.  One must draw from the kindness bank, and will oneself to carry out this action.  Too often it is the norm to see someone obviously enter a building, not look behind them, and to allow the door to slam shut upon a trailing individual.  Admittedly, there are those who still actively practice kindness, without the thought of cost, and for those holding the door is still a natural act. This act of kindness costs pennies, yet modern behaviors patterns make this akin to buying a house.

How much does it cost to raise your gaze when you are out in public? Does it cost nickels? Dimes? What is the valuation on awareness? Why does it seem like everywhere you go someone is randomly bumping into you, getting in your way, or simply behaving inconsiderately regarding their surroundings? For pocket change in kindness, awareness can be purchased.  People would be more considerate of others in public settings, and less likely to aggravate others. Perhaps, as an added benefit of purchasing this type of kindness, people would look each other in the eyes, and even smile or greet each other.

Evidence of kindness as a commodity can be seen in employees in all workplaces. The server that took exacting notes regarding a patrons order is berated for that same customers mistake. She smiles, nods, and commits to making things right for him. Her kindness has been purchased. She knows that her pay, and tip rely on her kindness. She’s  compelled by her monetary needs to execute kindness. The sad part is that if the customer would have behaved with kindness, she wouldn’t have to feel like hers was at a cost.

The underlying issue, is that kindness isn’t something one should have to think about doing. Kindness should be the norm. And kindness should be expected. Like bottled water, kindness should have never been monetized. Kindness shouldn’t be something you have to tell yourself to do. Kindness shouldn’t come at a cost. Kindness should be given, and received, without thoughts of expense or remuneration. 

Kindness should be free.

Humbly yours,

J