As winter coughs its arrival into my world it delivers puffs of nostalgia and wisps of yearning.

As the melodies of familiar holiday tunes warm my sentimentality, the loss of innocence strums discordant notes.

This unfortunality, is that the nascent, desperate, shimmering optimism that the holidays once portrayed seems to no longer hold sway.

I loved the feeling, and I know you did too, of anticipation.  The air practically reverberated with anxious energy leading to Christmas day.  Sparks of happiness, and streaks of cheer, leapt and bounced at the periphery; while vertical, evergreen, edifices made phantom shapes in our journeys to our destinations.

And many holidays were forged between our formative years and those we stamped at early adulthood.

We basked in the plasticine cheer of the christmas songs, and assimilated the mirth and shimmering halos that seemed to surround everyone at holiday time.

And so the compulsion to provide gifts did weigh heavily upon us…….

But do we love each other in the in betweens?

And if not, why do we play out our farces?

Commercially, socially, emotionally, spiritually, we are compelled to produce an offering.

Gift giving is a fragile pursuit.  For, in so many ways, we give gifts to mask our failure to truly give ourselves to those we “love.”  We withhold what we believe might truly benefit our “loved ones.”  In the interest of package and parcel; we have gussied in frivolity designed to beguile and distract its receiver.

How well do you know the recipient?

Is your gesture socially manipulated?

Did you expect a gift?

Do you expect a gift?

Why do you expect a gift?

Do you really want to give the cleverly packaged relief you are presenting?

The idea of  holiday has created a deprecating reality that no matter how hard you try, how far you reach, how sincere your effort, your commercial contribution will be a failure.

I say, give what you can, with honesty and sincerity.

And if you can’t provide a trinket, give the person you love the gift of honesty, and the sense that they truly matter.

As I am starved for milliseconds of truthfulness, so I know my fellow man yearns for the same.

Be good, and decent, and honest, please.

Give to others what is genuine, meaningful, and fulfilling.

J