Does this make you feel anything?

Do you recall how it felt to have fire in your soul?

Is it still there, or has your complacency extinguished it like a whore in a snuff film?

Have you traded it for weariness?  Have you traded it for sadness?  Have you traded it for happiness?

Was it for love? Or maybe the promise of contentment? Did it feel soothing at the time that you mistook it for a hearth of lasting warmth?

Have you acquiesced because of age? Have you capitulated because you don’t feel strong enough to channel it any more?  Do you burn inside when you must kowtow from without?

Did you give care of your fire to another because you believed they would fan and nurture the flame?

I burn, churn and send sparks into the canopy of darkness hanging above me.  I fuel myself with angst that I should have never let wane from my youth.  All the “I’m sorries.”  All of the “excuse me’s” and reasonable considerations mount in my heart forging a furnace of “No! Fuck you!” utterances that propel me forward.  Behind the humble veneer, the charade is exposed as a grinding, kindling need.  That need which screams “I will outlast everyfuckingoneofyou who tells me they have the answer to me living longer, loving more deeply, and fucking with greater orgasmic output.

As burdened as I feel my soul becoming under the weight of an avalanche of tripe, servitude, and catering to the whims of whoever the fuck seems minutely justified; I immolate these oppressions and forge new iron from the white-hot embers.

Enjoy your divorce, your lawn care, your fancy rugs, your over priced kitchen appliances, your discriminating dialogue, your obsessions with things you have no clue you were obsessed about.  Fuck your premature assumptions about who I am and what I should do with myself.  Enjoy the repercussions  that dousing your internal flame has wrought.

I would rather be sound and alert, burning in my soul, fire in my loins to the day I die, than to eek out my existence slowly handing my embers to those who want me to just grow old and fuck off this planet.

Cheers,

J