I was watching a random video online and this word was used in discussion.

Immediately, all grammar and language senses recoiled.  This reaction was akin to walking into a bathroom after a recent user has unloaded a biohazard style excrement upon the porcelain.  Nothing in my being wanted to accept validity of this word.

So I did what any reasonable, intellectually assaulted, person would do.

I looked it up online.

Much to my surprise, I had encountered a proper, functional use of the word.

I, and my astute, English-language wordsmith father, have long felt that words like physicality and athleticism, are barbarous abuses of our tongue.  Perhaps I may attribute my noxious aversion to -ity words to this heritage.  But it seems to me there are better ways of using our language.

Could physicality not simply be an amazing physical display?

Perhaps athleticism could be, “brilliant athletic talent?”

Could horizontality not be worded, “pertaining to the side to side nature of an item or element? Or perchance we might use longitudinally oriented?”

Isn’t that word supposed to be verticality, are you asking?

Where is this going exactly?

Towards victory I say. And Victory again. Victory over the disastrous denigration of the English language.  And Victory to tantalize the taste buds.

Old Horizontal – Victory Brewing Company – I have a weakness for barleywines.  It’s a prominently advertised weakness.  Is it the gravity of the brew that I enjoy? Is it the rich, complex crash of decadent sweetness, coupled with a hoppy-bitter scent and similar back notes on the tongue?  Maybe it’s the roasty caramel notes gracing my mouth that lavish my taste buds with flavor? There is an additional subtle anise taste to this brew that compliments the rich amber body and earthiness in this particular barleywine. Please find and drink coupled with robust, intellectual discourse, and follow with inane stress relieving prattle. 9/10

Horizontally yours,

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