Whether acknowledged consciously, or succumbed to inadvertently, a persistent and prevalent pressure to “fit in” oppresses so many of us from an early age.

We try to impress our playmates with our prowess at various board games, outside activities like “Red Rover,” and by our skill with various niche card games, pop culture knowledge, and frivolous fad pursuits.  We exaggerate our story telling and claim to have done marvelous things to impress our social companions.

We learn, even at an early age, that acceptance from our fellow man is a challenging endeavor.

We move into our teenage years, where it seems that no one will accept us.  We flounder hopelessly and desperately in our social gesticulations,  begging the cosmos to afford us a friend who understands our weirdness.  But we are all a bit weird, otherwise we wouldn’t have so much trouble interacting with each other.

We post attention seeking words and pictures on social media, trying to curry the favor of our digital “friends.”  We are disheartened by only two “likes.”

So all of our unfounded anxiety and awkwardness presents us with a few friends, most by happenstance.  If we are able to connect with a few moderately similar individuals, we might form semi-solid social relationships.  If we socially fortunate, they will be friends who associate our parentally provided prosperity fortuitous, and will cling to us like devoted monks, each day offering solemn and sincere prayers for our well being.  If we are less fortunate, we may cling to our paltry entourage of friends fiercely.

Like a delicately spun web, all of our connections made, hold together in tenuous fashion.  Yet, the casual passing swipe is enough to undo the fragile intricacy.

We prostrate ourselves at the altar of validation.

We beg, and beg, and plead, and proffer ourselves to get anyone to want us.  We even go as far as consulting books, and therapists, to convince ourselves to want us.

We offer crippled, beggar-like presentations of ourselves for jobs, acceptance, money, security, a pat on the back, a boss recognizing our names, a boss recognizing our existence, a possible lover who will actually listen to you and respond in a manner respectful to you, people who have wronged you, who you desperately want to believe can acknowledge you without you having to scream your value into their faces.

We are all trying to alleviate some form of internal pain by filling it with the false acceptance from another human being.

We are longing for belonging.

But we don’t need to.  We have enough wonder, expression, and joy internally.  We don’t need to belong to someone else.  We need others to be a minor bolstering system for our already stout structure.

Too often though people are consumed with the pursuit of giving themselves away.  And how often does this pursuit result in improvement?  Most of the time resentment, and disappointment are the rewards of this behavior.

When we abandon this assumption, we are free to be, and believe what we wish.  We are free to be confident, secure, and dare I say it, happy.

Humbly yours,

J