Filling in before filling out.

I intended to write this before the holiday.   Intending an, inspired by traditional ideas of love, passion, and romance, post, then, presenting a tempered, sardonic, counterpoint.  But, with scrutiny of this supposed holiday, I find that its existence feeds off of guilt, insecurity, compulsion, and unabashed commercial exploitation, of emotion, fragility, and a vacuous longing to be permanently accepted. Therefore, I am choosing to write on my own timeline, and ignoring the calendar restrictions placed upon prompt appropriateness, and capitalization of emotional highs.

Valentines day, is a day that generates money for businesses.

I’m being quite frank, and you may disagree if you wish.  But, it’s true purpose, is to stimulate the, potentially lavish, depending on how shallow ones partner may be, spending of money.  It still functions, currently, to liberate, unnecessarily, funds from any emotional subservient that succumbs to the breath of social pressure.   This may not have been the original intention behind hailing February fourteenth, Valentines Day; I am simply calling the current application, to this day, as I see it.

For a lot of people, it is a welcome opportunity to express love and devotion. For those who have a difficult time expressing their emotions, it is an uncomfortable time; for those, there are commercials, adverts, email, website, bot assistance, and the oh so traditional mall shopping.  For those who show their love every day, it may mean forcing a display that isn’t natural, necessarily meaningful, or in the norm of the scope, to one person, and possibly the other.  For many people, it is a source of stress, agitation, anxiety, and depression.  For some, it is a time that causes great depression, melancholy, reservation, and potential drawing back from social interaction.

The truly unfortunate flaw to Valentines Day, is that it forces focus on other people.

Yes, I am aware of what I am saying with this statement.  And, I am aware that this goes against the precept of considering other people first.

In light of this, I am choosing to highlight an unfortunately neglected piece of romantic, and emotional interaction, and compatibility.

To look at it candidly, we are compelled, driven, and instructed to look after others first.  We are taught to look after the interests of what other people think, feel, emote, and express. We are conditioned to regard everyone’s feelings, and to concern ourselves with gratifying the impulses of the immediate, emotional concerns, that blip upon our radar.

What we are not taught, is how to manage our own emotional turmoil.  What we don’t know, is how to deal with the undulations of our emotional tides.  What we never receive instruction on, is the nurturing of our own emotional state, and heart.

When we realize that our own self care is not selfish, then we can accept that nurturing our own internal well being is not detracting from others. When we stop trying to satisfy the frivolities of others, we may focus on filling the holes within ourselves.  When we understand that we cannot inject our emotional expectations into another person, and expect them to understand us, then maybe we can be at peace.

Maybe, in adjusting our perspective, we can find what we need, to love ourselves first.

In fact, it may be the best thing, for us to truly love others.

Humbly yours,



Open Heart Epilogue (XXII)

Tristan headed for the eastern edge of the small town. Casually, lightly, and easily, he glided across the stone paving of the street. He meandered in, out, and around clusters of townsfolk.  He swung around two merchants engaged in a heated argument near an overturned cart. He smiled, when a young girl with a basket […]

Open Heart Closure (XXI)

Tristan shed the paralyzing ambiance of the bathroom with the swiftness of doffing a water-saturated cloak. In a few steps, he was into the short hall, then heading towards his cache of belongings. It didn’t take him long to gather up his scant possessions.  They were haphazardly strewn about the room.  After all, he hadn’t […]

Open Heart Palpitation (XX)

His lifeless arm drifted towards the floor, the weight of the orb easily overpowering the functionless musculature and bone.  The tool had fallen from his grasp, and his fingers had lifted from their restrictive position upon  the rings of the sphere, yet the shiny circles remained motionless.  His arm pivoted backward at the elbow, and […]

Open Heart Cataclysm (XIX)

Tristan rose, unhurriedly, from his kneeling position.  He turned, and made his way back to the bathroom.  He moved in a confidently, curiously relaxed manner. When he returned to his prior position, facing the mirror, he brought his hand up and regarded the object pinched between his fingers. It was several inches long, made of […]

Open Heart Fragmentation (XVIII)

As if struck by an intense arctic chill, time slowed to a desperate crawl, with each nanosecond feeling like prolonged seconds, or excruciatingly exaggerated minutes. The curious, planet like orb, slowly descended through the stale air of the bathroom.  It floated towards the counter with the speed of a slowly descending soap bubble. The black […]


All of those deep, sobbing, regrets, every cringe, and internal unsettling, felt, when trying to kiss, someone else, as passionately as I kissed you; while you’re selfish-stuck with your vapid substitute, each, and every, excruciating second, sparks of memory, should remind you of what a truly amazing person, partner, lover, could be, and how incredibly […]